Sunday, December 20, 2015

Having a baby- What everyone found out on there own

I read a handful of those pinterest posts "What no one tells you about being pregnant" yadda yadda blah blah nothing ever important!

I had my son at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. At the time they were running a trial where I basically had less appointments. The point of the trial was to see if women with a low risk pregnancy could basically have fewer appointments in general. If you've ever had a baby there are appointments that could have been done over the phone. You wait in the waiting room... You wait in the patient room... Your doctor or midwife comes in... Ask the same questions they always do... "How are things going? Any Concerns?"... All is fine and dandy... You leave. That was a $200 appointment, $5 for parking, and $10 in gas. Really?! I thought hospitals were suppose to be non profit?

I got lucky when I had my son, at least that is what they kept telling me, I didn't feel lucky down there. He came out so quick pain medicine was not an option. Kudos to my love muffin for staying in the room the whole time. I wouldn't know what to do or say if that was happening in front of me. There he was the cutest little smurf I had ever seen.

Now on to the important stuff, at least to you...

Congratulations! There is a sea monkey growing inside you! Every time you need to sneeze be sure to cross your legs and it probably wouldn't hurt to wear a panty liner. You could have gone to the bathroom 5 minutes ago, doesn't matter, you will still pee a little.

I for the most part never had morning sickness. I am sensitive to vitamins so if i didn't eat a normal sized meal before taking my prenatal vitamins then I would throw up. but other then the three times my vitamins caused it I was fine.

I would get this horrible pain in my abdomen like I needed to throw up but couldn't. Yeah... I just needed to fart. Now I know why gassy babies are crabby babies. <-- Bring babies' feet to their chest and pump their legs a few times, kind of like a sit up of the feet, to help remove gas. My husband thought it was the best thing ever, baby farts on command.

Do not scratch the tummy, moisturize! I always itched because of dry skin and one day I scratched a stretch mark free spot. The next day I had stretch marks there. Awesome! If you are scratching a ridiculously crazy amount bring it up at your next appointment. There is some condition that make you itch and can cause harm to the baby. I don't know about it, just briefly read two sentences of an article once.

Back pain! They don't do anything about it you just have to deal. Icy hot will help sometimes. Don't worry, it gets worse. After baby is born your center is off balance and it feels like you are constantly walking with your butt out and shoulders forward. I think that only lasted for about 2 weeks though? I was going to go see a chiropractor but I am awesome at waiting until Sunday before remembering to call for an appointment.

Remember those 9 wonderful months when you didn't have to worry about your period, just peeing a little when you sneezed? Well
I knew I would bleed, I mean I did just shoved a watermelon out of there. What I didn't know was I would bleed for up to 9 weeks after baby. All those periods missed I just got to experience them all one after another, as if one week wasn't bad enough. After I got up to move beds They gave me a large pad, probably 6"X18", and a pair of mesh shorts, basically nylon tights without all the leg. When I got home adult diapers became my best friend. Couldn't use tampons and pads can only handle so much, especially at night. I even wore a depends adult diaper with yoga pants to the county fair. I have a sister who always feels the need to share her opinion, if she didn't notice no one will.

Probably the scariest thing you will do after having that baby is poop. Good thing they are already ahead of you and give you stool softeners. You also get a squirt bottle to rinse yourself off with when going potty. If you have a tear it will burn when you pee and it sucks. I would lean as far forward as possible with one hand on the ground, as if getting ready to play football. It helps. you look stupid and feel stupid, but you wont feel the burn.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I started my hospital food love story with pancakes. The menu suggested choosing four items, but I wasn't supper hungry. When you order pancakes typically you get 3-4 about the size of a salad plate. I got two bout 3 inches wide. At lunch I listened to the menu, I got 5 items. When I saw my hospital bill a tray of food costs $4 no matter how many items you get. Why did no one inform me I could have gotten the whole menu for $4?

With breakfast I got a side of Tylenol and Ibuprofen. Next time I'll bring my own. $30 for about 10 pills. I could have gotten 100+ of each for about $5 a bottle. My, oh my. I hope that profit is getting put to good use.

My mother in law lives less then half a mile away. I hate it, she is crazy. When I first got home baby and I slept till about 10am before I am at least awake enough to give a damn. She doesn't knock. Just comes right into the bedroom and wakes me up at 8am. Her perfume is so strong and awful if she holds the baby I have to change him when she leaves so I don't get a headache. If you have a mother in law like this lock the doors and put your phone on silent. Hide in your bedroom so she can't see you through the window. Visitors are nice but they are also awful. I recommend having the baby shower after baby is born then everyone can play pass the baby and you can go home and sleep without interruption the rest of the week.

We keep dad around for his money. Dad is kinda useless. He works 6am-7pm and is home around noon for an hour lunch and in bed by 9pm. We don't see him much. When he is home I just want him to hold baby for 5 minutes while I pee. He complained a little about me staying at home napping and watching TV all day once. It took 3 months before he learned how to make a formula bottle. He can't handle baby for 5 minutes, I'd like to see him try for a full 24 hours.


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